Can you kiss during the 90 day rule?

The 90-Day Kissing Debate: Building a Foundation Before Physical Intimacy

In the whirlwind of modern dating, where hookup culture often overshadows genuine connection, a concept gaining traction is the “90-day rule,” specifically applied to physical intimacy, including kissing. While it might sound old-fashioned or restrictive in a world that champions instant gratification, proponents argue that delaying physical affection, specifically the first kiss, for a period of roughly three months can be surprisingly beneficial for forging stronger, more meaningful relationships.

The core premise behind the 90-day rule isn’t about puritanical abstinence. It’s about slowing down the progression of a relationship and prioritizing emotional and intellectual connection over immediate physical attraction. In essence, it’s an exercise in mindful dating. By consciously resisting the urge to kiss early on, couples are forced to communicate, share experiences, and explore their compatibility on a deeper level.

Why the Delay Matters:

The benefits of this approach are multifaceted:

• Forced Communication: Without the immediate distraction of physical intimacy, conversations naturally delve into deeper topics. You’re more likely to learn about your partner’s values, aspirations, and fears, leading to a greater understanding of who they are as a person.
• Emotional Growth: Resisting the initial rush of physical affection allows you to cultivate emotional self-awareness. You can better assess whether your feelings are based on genuine compatibility or simply the excitement of a new physical connection.
• Avoiding “Lust Blindness”: Let’s face it, physical attraction can be powerful. It can cloud judgment and lead to overlooking red flags or fundamental incompatibilities. The 90-day rule provides a buffer, allowing you to see the person more clearly, without the rose-tinted glasses of lust.
• Intentional Commitment: By consciously choosing to wait, both partners demonstrate a willingness to invest in the relationship beyond just the physical. This shared commitment can strengthen the bond and lay a solid foundation for future exclusivity.
• Increased Anticipation and Desire: Ironically, delaying physical intimacy can actually enhance the experience when it finally occurs. The anticipation builds, making the first kiss, and subsequent physical encounters, feel more meaningful and special.

Is the 90-Day Kissing Rule Right for Everyone?

Of course, the 90-day rule isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. Some individuals thrive on physical connection and find that kissing and other forms of intimacy help them bond. For them, withholding affection might feel unnatural or create unnecessary distance.

The key is open communication. If you’re considering implementing this rule, talk to your partner about your reasons and motivations. Understand their perspective and be willing to compromise. Maybe a modified version, such as delaying kissing for a shorter period, or focusing on other forms of non-sexual physical touch, might be a better fit.

Ultimately, the “90-day rule” for kissing is a tool, not a mandate. It’s a deliberate strategy to encourage deeper connection and self-awareness in the early stages of a relationship. It’s about asking yourself: “Am I building this relationship on a solid foundation of shared values and genuine compatibility, or am I simply caught up in the initial spark of physical attraction?” By asking this question, you can pave the way for a more substantial and fulfilling connection, whether you choose to wait for three months, three weeks, or decide that kissing is a natural expression of your growing affection from day one.