How do you tell someone to stop doing something bad?

Navigating Disruptive Patterns: A Guide to Gentle Feedback

We all have our quirks, habits, and approaches. While some are positive and productive, others can inadvertently become disruptive, impacting both our own progress and that of those around us. When you notice a pattern that’s causing friction, how do you address it without causing unnecessary tension?

The key is to approach the conversation with empathy, honesty, and a focus on finding a solution. Instead of directly stating, “Stop doing that,” consider a more nuanced approach:

1. Acknowledge and Validate:

• “I’ve noticed a pattern lately…”
• “It’s important for me to address this as it’s impacting our [shared goal/project/work]…”
• “I appreciate you doing [something positive], but I’ve also noticed…”

2. Describe the Behavior and Impact:

• “This [specific action] is causing [specific issue]. For example…”
• “When you [action], it makes me feel [emotion] because [reason]. It’s affecting our [outcome].”

3. Propose a Solution or Adjustment:

• “Perhaps we can adjust our approach for a more productive outcome.”
• “A short break might help us both refocus and come back with fresh perspectives.”
• “Would you be open to [alternative approach]?”

4. Focus on Collaboration and Understanding:

• “I believe we can work together to find a solution that works for both of us.”
• “I value your input and collaboration, and I’m confident we can find a better way.”

Remember, the goal is to address the issue constructively and respectfully. Instead of accusing or blaming, focus on the behavior, its impact, and potential solutions.

This approach is not just about stopping someone from doing something bad, but about fostering open communication and a more productive working relationship. It’s about acknowledging everyone’s perspectives and finding a way to move forward together.