What to say instead of let it go?

Beyond “Let It Go”: Finding Healthier Ways to Release Resentment

We’ve all been there. Someone has wronged us, hurt our feelings, or simply disappointed us. The common advice, often delivered with a well-meaning if slightly dismissive tone, is: “Just let it go.” While the sentiment behind the phrase is positive, the reality is that “letting go” is often easier said than done. It can feel dismissive of the valid emotions you’re experiencing, and even imply that you’re being overly sensitive or holding onto something unnecessarily.

So, what can you say to yourself, or to a friend struggling to move on, that is more helpful and empowering than simply urging them to “let it go”? The key lies in acknowledging the pain, validating the feelings, and then offering concrete steps towards healing and release.

Instead of “Let It Go,” try these approaches:

1. Acknowledge and Validate:

Before you can release resentment, you need to acknowledge its presence and understand its root. Phrases like these can provide a starting point:

• “It sounds like you’re feeling really hurt/angry/disappointed. That’s completely understandable.” This validates their emotions and creates space for them to feel heard.
• “That situation clearly impacted you. It’s okay to feel the way you do.” This reinforces that their feelings are legitimate and not something to be ashamed of.
• “What happened was unfair/unacceptable/ hurtful. I see why you’re struggling with this.” Directly acknowledging the injustice can be incredibly powerful.

2. Focus on Releasing Resentment:

“Let it go” can feel like a command, whereas these phrases encourage active participation in the healing process:

• “How can we work on releasing the resentment you’re holding onto?” This focuses on actively working through the feelings.
• “What would it look like for you to start to move forward from this?” This encourages envisioning a positive future.
• “Let’s explore healthy ways to process these emotions and find some peace.” This offers support and suggests a collaborative approach.

3. Explore Forgiveness and Understanding:

Forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning the behavior, but rather freeing yourself from the burden of holding onto anger. This approach emphasizes offering grace, not just to the offender, but to yourself:

• “Would you be open to exploring forgiveness, not necessarily for them, but for your own peace of mind?” This highlights the self-serving aspect of forgiveness.
• “Can you try to see the situation from their perspective, even if you don’t agree with their actions?” This encourages empathy and understanding, potentially leading to release.
• “Is there any room for understanding their motivations, even if you can’t excuse their behavior?” This promotes critical thinking and can diffuse some of the anger.

4. Emphasize Moving Forward:

Focus on the future and the individual’s ability to create a positive path forward:

• “What steps can you take to move forward from this situation and reclaim your power?” This empowers the individual to take control.
• “How can you use this experience to grow and learn, and ultimately become stronger?” This reframes the experience as an opportunity for personal growth.
• “Let’s focus on creating a future where this experience doesn’t define you.” This emphasizes the importance of shaping their own narrative.

5. Offer Practical Support:

Sometimes, simply offering practical help can be the most impactful.

• “Would you like to talk more about it? I’m here to listen without judgment.” Offering a safe space to vent can be incredibly helpful.
• “Let’s brainstorm some healthy coping mechanisms together. Maybe journaling, exercise, or spending time in nature?” This provides concrete strategies for managing emotions.
• “Perhaps seeking guidance from a therapist or counselor could provide you with valuable tools for processing these feelings.” This encourages professional help when needed.

Ultimately, moving past hurt and resentment is a deeply personal process. By moving beyond the simplistic “let it go,” and instead offering validation, encouragement, and concrete steps towards healing, we can truly help ourselves and others find peace and move forward with strength and resilience. The goal is not to erase the past, but to learn from it, release its grip, and create a brighter future.